Jealousy

I am the most jealous person in the world. I don't actually do anything about it, because if I did I'd be crazy. I have to bottle it all up inside until it gets too full and bursts. It burst yesterday but now it's filling up again quickly.
When it comes to the guys I have huge crushes on (ie. Anthony and Toby) I can't help but hurt when I see them with their girls. I enjoy pretending they're single to make myself feel better but when I see pictures and shit, my bottle fills up as quick as I can say FML.
I found that whenever I have a crush in real life, it takes my attention away from the fantasy world and the men I don't have any chance with whatsoever. But when I'm alone...I'm completely broken. I know that when I find a boyfriend of my own, the grip I have around Toby and Anthony will loosen and I'll feel better when I remember they're taken. Until then, I'm dead inside.
I hate it when people get all cutesy about relationships; it grosses me out. I'm a bitter, nasty, selfish bitch when it comes to love but I can't help it. I've said I like Justine and I really do and I'm growing accustomed to Olga Kay but I can only see them seperate from Toby. If I see them together...my heart breaks. I sound like a loser, I know. I hate it.
Anyway, the reason why I haven't posted my Tobuscus fanfc is because I'm extra emotional this week and simple things like seeing Toby with girls discourages me and makes me feel like an idiot. So I apologize for that.