I am the most jealous person in the world. I don't actually do anything about it, because if I did I'd be crazy. I have to bottle it all up inside until it gets too full and bursts. It burst yesterday but now it's filling up again quickly.
When it comes to the guys I have huge crushes on (ie. Anthony and Toby) I can't help but hurt when I see them with their girls. I enjoy pretending they're single to make myself feel better but when I see pictures and shit, my bottle fills up as quick as I can say FML.
I found that whenever I have a crush in real life, it takes my attention away from the fantasy world and the men I don't have any chance with whatsoever. But when I'm alone...I'm completely broken. I know that when I find a boyfriend of my own, the grip I have around Toby and Anthony will loosen and I'll feel better when I remember they're taken. Until then, I'm dead inside.
I hate it when people get all cutesy about relationships; it grosses me out. I'm a bitter, nasty, selfish bitch when it comes to love but I can't help it. I've said I like Justine and I really do and I'm growing accustomed to Olga Kay but I can only see them seperate from Toby. If I see them together...my heart breaks. I sound like a loser, I know. I hate it.
Anyway, the reason why I haven't posted my Tobuscus fanfc is because I'm extra emotional this week and simple things like seeing Toby with girls discourages me and makes me feel like an idiot. So I apologize for that.
I understand... a lot! Olga Kay and Justine are MY FAVORITE FEMALE YOUTUBERS EVER... but the thought of seeing my Moosh Mommy or the innocent-looking blonde next to Toby makes me scream all throughout my insides. But, oddly enough, I tend to find it easier to write fanfics when I see him around girls. It adds another character to my story, and makes it more controversial and juicy when my main character wins Toby's heart over the other girl or whatever. Then, you can make her a reoccurring character and have a bunch of drama; then you would definitely have more material and never run out of story to write! Don't look at it as a bad thing... embrace it! :) <3 you!
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